Out of popular demand (which is an understatement by the way) and a desire to have a good jab at some people, I’ve decided to do types of flatmates featuring…well, my flatmates. No names will be used, but you guys will all know who you are! In all seriousness, I love you all really. Here we go, in no particular order:
The one who always goes missing
This person, no matter where we are, just manages to achieve losing every single other flatmate. They just randomly disappear out of nowhere and it takes AGES to find them. Also, when you do happen to find them, they could be either drunk out of their mind or making out with some old guy (or both at the same time). This person, however, is also secretly REALLY smart and actually can take extremely good care of his/herself. She is very sweet and works really hard. The important thing is, they turn up in the end (somewhere).
The one who always goes off with a guy
This flatmate is dancing with her good friends one minute and making out with the guy dancing next to her in the next. Literally, the next minute. To be honest, she may as well just go up to the guy and get straight to the point with what her intentions are, rather than stringing it out (it’d save everyone else so much time on whether to go home without her or not). She also made up an entire University in her head thinking it was an actual University and thought that Asia was 4 hours away on the plane. Realistically, this person is smarter than she thinks and is super self-sufficient, paying her own way and managing work (just). She also always has great chat and does really good hair!
The one who is basically a baby
This type of flatmate would probably be okay being pushed about in a pram if people would allow it. This person has had everything done for her (I mean everything) before now. If other people hadn’t told her she would have probably thought pasta didn’t need water to cook and eggs didn’t need to be cracked open to be fried. You could put her favourite food on the other side of the kitchen and she’d complain about the walk there. Although, this person is actually really nice and is surprisingly good at weird things such as DIY. She also buys cool stuff from the supermarket, has a great devotion to prophets and we definitely relate on a cultural level which is pretty cool.
The one who has it altogether
This person, quite frankly, is just annoyingly perfect. She’s doing a really difficult degree, exercising, looking good, staying happy AND having an active social life all at the same time. The worst part she’s just so nice about it all. It’s like, are you trying to make us all feel bad about ourselves? Can you not just mess up once? Can you not just get super drunk, once? Be really horrible? Jokes aside, this flatmate is awesome and makes the best cookies ever. She’s probably doing amazing in her degree already and am sure she will be great at whatever she does one day. Keep killing it girl!
The hyperactive one
This person is just excited. All. The. Time. Please stop randomly dancing in the kitchen or busting out your vocal chords at random times. Oh and don’t run across the road. This person is also someone we’ve all badly influenced; she’s turned from alcoholic virgin to…well, just an alcoholic. Yeah, you ‘don’t drink.’ Annoyingly though, this person can just sober up in a moment of crisis and turn into a doctor from Grey’s Anatomy. Were you even drunk in the first place mate? Also, this person’s food tends to just consist of lentils. And rice. She’s also English, which is another major put off. To be honest though, this person is one of the sweetest people I have ever met and is really kind, as well as being amazingly studious and smart. Her excitement is something I definitely aspire to.
The really blunt Glaswegian
Blunt does not even cut it for this person; she says what she thinks whether other people like it or not! This person also is a party animal, and will literally dance with anyone when drunk. She’s also goes to the gym at like half six in the morning. For spin class. Who DOES that? It’s probably just to check out all the fit guys as she just cannot stop going on about how she wants a fit medic. Like all the time. If someone fit proposed to her right now she’d probably say yes. Also, please don’t scream hello in my face all the time. However, as much as I make fun of this person for going to the gym at crazy times, she’s probably really fit and has the most amazing laugh ever and we both love food. She also looks out for everyone deep down and is pretty much flat mum.
The major procrastinator
Procrastination is one of the many skills of this person. If this person had a deadline the next day and still had to write an essay, she would still put it off – procrastinate isn’t this person’s middle name, it’s their first! It’s pretty annoying as I’m quite sure she is secretly a genius and will probably pass her exams with little to no revision. This person also loves a good party, so much so that she decides to pass out and resurrect again just before people arrive to help her. Thanks a lot, mate. It’s bad enough you rub it in that you do no work, but to basically resurrect from the dead is not cool. Also, how do you make amazing looking food all the time? Don’t lie to us about how you can’t cook, you clearly can. Truthfully, I’m just jealous of what a good cook this person is and how smart she is without revising. She’s also quite cute when drunk and we also relate on a cultural (and biscuit) level, which is always a good thing!
The one with the super cool degree
Everyone envies this person for one reason alone: they hands down have the coolest degree. It’s almost like this person is trying to rub it in your face how cool it is! This person also just happens to just absolutely love their degree and is just amazing at it. Additionally, this flatmate somewhat is all for pres and just ditches us before we go out. As much as I relate to that sentiment, seriously? We’re all dressed up and going out and you just sit there drinking, not even bothering to make an effort? Disappointing. Like, at least dress up a bit or something. Don’t take drink and not commit. Jokes aside, this person is awesome and I’m sure will be super successful one day. She’s really kind and we both like Downton Abbey so that’s a major plus. I also totally get why she’d only do pres – less money, just as much fun!
The lazy one
This person basically sleeps all the time and then complains about not having enough time to do work. 5 hour ‘naps’ and 12 hour sleeps are just normal for this person, as well as just scrolling through social media as she complains about not having enough time to do her essay. At least be awake most of the time if you’re going to try and do work. Also, what’s up with the noises? And the singing? You’re always ‘tired’ and then you’re belting out a tune at like ten am? Yeah, you’re ‘tired’, sure. Seriously though…this person is so lovely. When she does get into doing work and learning, she’s super passionate about it. She’s also an awesome singer and kills it with working two jobs (I don’t even have one).
The really cool exchange student
This flatmate is only here for a short amount of time and is from a really cool place. She seems to have it all together and on top if that is just cool! Almost like she’s too cool for school as people hardly see her. It’s like, are you alive? How do you eat? Are you human? It’s not the floating Trump we have in our kitchen, is it? (I’ll have to explain this another time). This person is actually really nice and it’s a shame she is only here for a short amount of time – hopefully we haven’t put her off from coming back to Scotland!
The one we haven’t ruined yet
This person is just nice. All the time. She is studious, never goes out, she’s quiet and polite. To the point where you just want her to stop and actually just burst out and shout at everyone. Or just get super drunk. Just mess yourself up in some way, please? Just get really grumpy one day, or be really annoying. Just do something that isn’t perfect. In all honestly this person is super lovely and I just wish I could be as nice as she is! She’s smart, kind and always has some good chat when we’re in the kitchen.
And finally… the English student
No prizes for guessing who this is…this person just writes. About everything. Every day. To be honest it must just be really annoying for everyone else. Another blogpost? Another newspaper article? Like, do you do anything else? She also looks super pretentious with her scarves and Starbucks cups. All she needs is a book in her hand and she’ll look like the most pretentious English student ever. It’s probably just to shelter from the fact she’s never had a proper relationship and the number of friends at Uni is the most friends she’s ever had. Also, does this person have any right to be dishing out advice on her blog? She’s only just started University. Like, calm down please. Stick to writing!
And there we have it! Types of flatmates featuring my very own group of them. I said it before and I’ll say it again; I love these guys and they’re honestly the best. So, do you see any of your flatmates fit in these descriptions? If they do…good luck.
Photo Credit Alina Brust.
Check out my last article on my first two months of Uni here.